Advice from a child psychologist
Question: My mother-in-law loves her granddaughter very much, her girl is always under supervision. But the child is growing, and I am not satisfied with the complete permissiveness. The regimen of the day is not respected, food is not monitored, the daughter can make her mother-in-law do anything with whims and cunning. After giving, you have to bring the child into yourself for a long time. What to do?
Answer: In the summer, for many parents, summer cottage “grandparents” become a lifesaver. While the baby is very small, the requirements for grandmothers are standard: feed, walk, dress clean and tell a fairy tale. Parents do not think about the fact that their own “nanny" has a personal opinion and their own view on raising a child, while educational functions are not included in addition to the service functions. It becomes a stumbling block.
Most often, parents are unhappy that grandparents pamper their grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with that, if pampering is not critical to the health of the child. The kid, having played a bit or doing interesting work, may not notice that his sleep mode has lost. And an unplanned cherry or tomato “will not make the weather” in the meal schedule. If the differences in upbringing consist only in the fact that the child receives something that the parents do not give, this is even good for the development of the child. The kid understands that people are different.
But there is another problem - age. The older the grandmother, the greater the likelihood that she simply physically will not be able to mess around with the baby or forbid him anything. In this case, the adequacy of the recommendations of the parents in food, mode, and pampering depends on the state of health of the grandmother, and not on her "desire - unwillingness" to follow your advice. You should gratefully accept what your grandmother gives your family, and be sympathetic to what she cannot give. Another thing is if your child for certain reasons requires a strict regimen and diet. In this case, be careful. When you forbid giving anything to your child, you must explain to everyone why you are doing this and what the consequences of violating the prohibition can lead to. If your child needs strict adherence to certain rules, and your grandmother will definitely violate them, this factor may become decisive so as not to send the child to the cottage.
Teenager and children's camp.
Question: The son is 14 years old. We did not experience difficulties in his upbringing - he grew up as a kind calm boy. This summer, my husband and I decided to send him to a children's camp at sea. After this son as a substitute: he stopped obeying, rude. Calls up with his friends from the camp and leaves for a walk unknown where. I think he started smoking.
Answer: Your boy just matured away from mom and dad. Stay in the camp was only the starting mechanism for the manifestation of all the delights of adolescence. Here are some tips to reduce stress:
- Talk calmly, do not insult the child.
- If the child expresses a desire to talk with you, listen to him without screaming or reproaching.
- Discuss important family matters with your child; he should know that his opinion is important.
- Do not expect the teenager to accept any of your advice or order - it's time to compromise.
- During a quarrel, a child may blur that he hates you
etc.It is said in the heat of the moment, do not panic.
Simple advice from a child psychologist.
- Child up to 3-4 years old You should not leave more than a week or two without a mother. No matter how familiar the baby is to grandmothers, it is one thing to be able to see mom at least in the evenings or in the morning, and another thing is to completely lose contact with parents.
- If you want to leave the child for the first time, you must first be with him and your parents at the cottage together. This will give a child a sense of security, and you will have the opportunity to show your grandmother exactly what actions you expect from her.