Advice from a child psychologist: adult involuntarily
My 5-year-old daughter is very fond of pointing and disposing and does not tolerate criticism. How to be
Q: My 5-year-old daughter is very fond of pointing and disposing, does not tolerate criticism, and perceives the requirements of others negatively. Many times they made comments in kindergarten. At home, she also commands.
Everything in nature strives for harmony and balance, relations between children and parents are also subject to this law. Strong and powerful parents grow up weak and uninitiated children, and weak and quiet moms and dads stimulate the manifestation of strong and even dictatorial qualities in their babies.
ADULT FORCE ... When a baby is brought up in an incomplete family, the child is forced to grow up faster and occupy the position of an adult. This is not always manifested in the desire to dictate their conditions. Care, guidance and guardianship towards elders are also manifestations of the “adult” position. Such behavior is not characteristic of the age of the child, he himself still needs support, and dictatorial qualities can be shown due to the hopelessness of the situation.
- Parents must remember that upbringing is, first of all, the support, guidance and instruction that the child really needs. It is the parents who are the main in the family and bear the main share of responsibility. The child should understand this and not try to take on an unbearable burden of responsibility.
- To educate does not mean to indulge! If you obey the rules that the child establishes, then you indulge his habit of commanding! Do not follow the wishes of the child, take control into your own hands.
- Teach your child to respect the opinions of others and make compromises. Take it to team sports that teach you to play in a team and obey the majority in order to achieve common goals.
Comments made in public will put the child in an awkward position. Instead of listening to you, he will burn with shame and think about how to be away from you and the place of his shame. Avoid rhetorical questions. It makes no sense to ask a child sitting in a pile of dirty clothes if he cleaned the room. “You have not removed. When will you do that? ” it is a statement of fact that requires a specific answer and specific activity.
Q: The son is 15 years old, and his room became his fortress. We had a contract: I don’t go there if it keeps the room clean. However, there is a mess. I remind you tactfully - nothing changes. We have to burst into it with a bucket and a rag, which causes an attack of discontent.
Is there a way to teach a young gentleman to follow the basic rules of home order?
- Start with yourself. Do not clean! Most often, the parents themselves are to blame for the fact that a similar situation has developed. The teenager absolutely seriously believes that since all these years you cleaned, washed and washed, you LIKE it! A simple example: if your child understands that as a result of your actions, or rather, your and his inaction, you have to collect and put on clothes not of the first freshness, he will begin to put it in order himself. After all, a teenager really wants to look good.
- Be an example. Honestly answer the question: can you always be an example to follow in terms of accuracy? If your answer is yes, fine; if not, work on yourself.
- Encourage a teenager in men's housework. Start with a simple one: complain about dull knives and gradually notice as many little things as possible in which he could take part, showing his masculine strength.
Natalia Barlozhetskaya PHOTO: FOTOBANK / GETTY